January 30, 2016

It’s been a really full week for Selah June.  We’ve had lots of play dates with Ashley, with Malachi, and with Satie and Sebastian.  We had our first trip to Mom’s Club.  We went to BSF.  And we went on an adventure to the pet store.

She’s changing so much every single day that it’s really hard to keep up.  On the 26th, she turned 16 months old.  Some of the most notable developmental changes include:

New Words

butterfly, bus, star, French fry, shoes, nose, ears, hair, mouth

Most Used Words

byyyyy-eeee, hiiiii-eee, no, ah-kay, b-bus (for Wheels on the Bus playlist on YouTube)

Favorite Foods

French fries, fruit snacks, raisins, pretzels, freeze-dried apples, grapes, broccoli, Boar’s Head chicken, avocado, mandarin oranges, bananas, and popcorn

Favorite Toys

fishbowl game, books (all books are Bibles or something like “bubble” or “bobble”), and her lion walker

Developmental Milestones

She really wants to use a fork to eat.  She’s starting to speak in phrases, although usually you can only make out one word.  She’s mimicking a lot.  She’s getting in her molars, so she’s really communicative about what she wants and doesn’t want — and there’s drama involved.  You can ask her whether she wants to do something or not.  If the answer is ah-kay, then she will follow you to go to it (like “splash splash” – taking a bath).  She’s starting to try to sing along to songs she knows and really likes.  She’ll sit in your lap for longer periods of time…sometimes to just snuggle.  We’re working on coloring.  She is able to hold and use a crayon (but she also likes to taste them).  She recognizes the appropriate contexts for greetings and farewells.  You don’t have to ask her to say “bye-bye.”  She just says it when somebody leaves.  It’s really really cute.

Here are some of the pics from the week.

Video 1

Video 2

Video 3

January 27, 2016

Today, Selah June surprised Miss Ashley by grabbing her by the hand, leading her to the bedroom, pointing to the big tv, and saying “b-bus….b-bus!”  Ashley had no idea what she was talking about but knew that she wanted something very specific.  SJ is pretty fixated on the Wheels on the Bus playlist we watch at night before bedtime.  It’s 54 minutes long and begins with three different versions of “Wheels on the Bus.”  She loves every single song but for different reasons.  She claps to “If You’re Happy and You Know It.”  She hums to “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” until it gets to the word she knows – at which point she joins in with “star!!!”  She gets excited when the robot comes on because she knows that it involves counting, and she cheers “one, two, three!!!”  Every song is special, and she eagerly awaits each one in turn.

If I ever had any hope of keeping this child from media, that hope is now lost.  SJ now knows not only what she wants but how to communicate it through verbal and nonverbal behavior.  Lucky me…

Which reminds me…  She also is very vocal about her food.  We ask her, “Do you want nana?” “No.” “Do you want oranges?” “No.”  “Do you want broccoli?” “No.” “Do you want chicken?” “No.” “Do you want a roll?” “K.”  Yes is not really part of the vocabulary.  But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t know how to be agreeable.  “K” or “Oh-key” are definitely affirmative responses.

January 23, 2016

Jessica and I took Selah June for a girls’ shopping adventure.  We checked out Old Time Pottery (after picking up good drinks from Sonic and a small order of French fries, of course).  Jess kept finding little treasures for Miss Selah June.  Here she is with fries in Old Time Pottery.  We had to get a little pink watering can for SJ to use to help Mommy water the plants. (It ended up being the perfect container for our goldfish and broccoli.

Then we went to lunch at Tijuana Flats.  Miss Priss thoroughly enjoyed the loud music and decided to join in….  I’m sure everyone was thrilled!  🙂

Here’s a little video action.  She’s into screeching all of a sudden.

TJ Flats

Then we went to Ulta, and we tried out a totally new way to share adventures.  She rode in the Ergo on my back.  We bounced to the upbeat music in the store, and we stopped to see ourselves in mirrors that we passed.  It was a great day.

January 22, 2016

Selah June and Bastian Jones have become little play buddies.  As long as she doesn’t try to play with exactly the same toy he wants, they do just fine.  Friday, she spent all day over at Jessica’s playing with the kids while I was at an upper administration leadership retreat.  They had a blast.

She was tuckered out by the time we got home and slept like a champ!

January 21, 2016

Selah June and I are having a little bit of a girls’ week since Daddy is down in Tally and Orlando doing political stuff.  I’m seizing the opportunity to watch no tv (save for evening Elmo and/or Wheels on the Bus).  I’m also using my freedom after she goes to sleep to put my hour in on the bike and catch up on work odds and ends.

She is loving spending time with Malachi on Tuesdays and Thursdays.  They play really well together, and they both seem to be on the 15-month sleep schedule. Nap time has synched up pretty nicely, or so Dustin says!  It’s been really interesting psychologically and emotionally for me dropping her off with Dustin and Malachi.  Dustin chose not to go back to work after having the baby.  So she’s adjusting to the change in schedule and routine, the lack of “career,” the new social circles, and the emotional challenges of no break from the baby.  I chose to go back to work (though it never felt like a conscious choice).  Selah June came to us so late in the game that we have been retrofitting our lives for kid crazy – as opposed to growing into identities born from college, cohabitation, and kids all back to back.  I don’t know if that makes sense, but it’s what I’m thinking at the moment.

But doing things this way does come with its own set of opportunities and threats.  We have great jobs.  That gives us the opportunity to be incredibly selective in where we keep her while we’re at work.  I can afford two part-time nannies to supplement the priceless care she receives from Jess and Grammy.  That’s not something for which I planned.  Who knew a nanny arrangement would be so expensive!!!  My job also gives me tremendous flexibility – in large part because I did my time.  Graduate school was hellishly hard.  Working in Green Bay, Wisconsin, was hellishly cold.  Getting tenure was hellishly time-consuming.  Nothing about the trek here was easy, but the end result is a place of air-tight job security, control over my own schedule, an office staff who prioritizes my care of Selah June, and a pretty sweet parking spot.  I would never have thought I would be a full professor and associate dean of a college when I actually began the journey as mother.  But it does have its perks.

On the other hand, face square on every single day the tug at my heart when I have to get us ready and out the door so that I can make my way to campus.  When she initially cries when I hand her over to Ashley or Dustin, it makes me physically hurt.  I have to compartmentalize my thoughts so that I quickly can shift away from animal sounds and pretzel songs and toward personnel management, committee work, student appeals, and problem-solving.  There’s no minute of my work day that is as special or lasting as her smiles.  And at the same time that I know that in my heart, I make up my mind to stay the course.  I don’t even try to justify the decision.  Lots of moms do.  For me, there are too many contextualizing factors that get in the way of solid, feel-good justification.  I just know that this is right.  She is a blessing.  I am loving the stew out of her.  She is happy and healthy.  She has teachers all around her every day. She has playmates who relish in their time with her.  She wants for nothing.

Ab sent me this link today.  It probably set me going down this road very early this morning and colored the rest of my day.

Here are two sweet pics of my little baby girl.

The first one was this morning while we shared some fruit and talked about all the adventures we were planning on having.  The second one was after we got home from all our fun.  We had to stop on the way home for treats, of course!  Mommy got a good drink, and SJ got French fries.  She was so cute in the car at Dustin’s house.  I put her in her carseat and said “do you want to go get some French fries?”  Her little eyes got big, and she searched my face for sincerity.  “Fresh fry?” — “Ahhh-key.”  That’s a definite YES in Selah June language.

She reminded me all the way to the Sonic what we were doing.

Tonight, we ate our dinner, took a bath, and watched our shows.  She’s so funny because you can now ask her if she’s ready to do something, and she obviously thinks about it and gives you an answer.  I said, “Are you ready for splash splash?”  She first said “no,” and then after another French fry said “ahhh-key.”  I said “come on then!”  And she followed me all the way back to the bathroom, bumbling along in her crazy walk-run gait.

I just want to catch all of it in a bottle and preserve it for all of time.

I’ve started humming to her “Oh Holy Night” before putting her in her crib every night.  She curls up in my arms, sucking her thumb and nuzzling her fuzzy blanket.  And I feel so right.  I would love to be held in tender enveloping arms while someone who loved me dearly sang softly in my ear.  How precious is this time when she is little and impressionable…  With how much of my love can I saturate her days and nights?  It’s all a gift.

January 17, 2016

I have so many mixed emotions tonight.  It would probably be better if I waited to blog until some later time, but we don’t get to be selective these days.  The minutes of down time are severely limited, and we have to seize on opportunities to reflect.

I had a wonderful and unexpected morning of photography and exploration with my brother.  That hasn’t happened in an incredibly long time.  I can’t tell you when it happened last.  Maybe it was on the cruise we took together before SJ was born(?).  This time and the time I took while in Puerto Rico last week to wander through Old San Juan make for some silent moments of stillness and longing.

That’s a weird thing to feel, but I think it’s a critical and honest assessment.  I long to be with Selah June to watch her every move, to receive her every display of affection or attempt at communication, and to meet her every need.  Working full time robs me of so much of her that I cherish my evenings and weekends probably more than moms who don’t have employment.  I should be grateful, but sometimes I really feel guilty and slighted – both in equal parts and simultaneously.  She has stolen my heart, and I don’t think I’ll be getting it back any time soon.

I also long to be by myself.  I need space to rest and to create.  Work fills my days with other people and all their problems.  Home fills my nights and weekends with the two people I love most in the world, but it demands every ounce of my attention and energy.  And then there is the time just before bed, when I am too exhausted to think coherently but too empty to just go to bed.

I long to be fully engaged with other human beings.  The technology in all of our lives is really starting to eat away at me.  I’m sure everyone has heard me at least a billion times complain of the vacant stares, the distracted presences, and the stilted and taxing attempts at conversation that make do for life today in the “digital age.”  Maybe I’m so agitated by it because Selah June isn’t wired in just yet.  She sees the world unfiltered by technology.  And it’s a magical and very real world.  She doesn’t need to look up the answer to every question that presents itself throughout her day.  She just questions.  She giggles with delight over the prospect of goldfish crackers or the warm salty goodness of French fries.  I sing to her before bed, and she reaches out and pats me on the shoulder – with physical touch she responds to signs of affection.  Her world is slower, more tangible, more focused, more physical, and more satiating than my Facebook feed.

Okay… enough of that.  I’m depressing myself.

Today, Selah June spent the morning with her daddy.  They played and read books, and she took a little bit of a nap.  I brought a bacon cheeseburger home for Jeremy, and it came with French fries.  Selah June hit the jackpot!  She was so happy to see those fries that she jerked back and forth with delight and sang “French fry!  French fry! French fry!” until she had eaten every last one of them (or at least the ones Jeremy shared).  We’re  in trouble.  She already knows that you can get French fries at any fast-food drive-thru.  When I make my numerous stops at Sonic for good drinks throughout the day, she yells from the back “French FRY!!!”  With all my insistence on feeding her fruits and vegetables and protein at every meal, at 15 months old she’s already addicted to the greasy goodness of good ole French fries.  Oh well….  We all have our weaknesses.

January 15, 2016

My baby girl had her 15 month wellness check today.  She didn’t have an afternoon nap before the appointment, and so she was already in somewhat of a melancholy mood.  Then she saw where we were going.  For a brief minute in the waiting room, we had some playfulness and giggles as we sheepishly made eyes at other moms and babies waiting to be seen by the doctor.

But then they called us back.  “Selah?”  That would be us.  I gathered all of our random belongings up and carried her back to the examination room.  She started screaming when the nurse took her temperature and kept it up through the measurements, the weigh-in, the doctor visit, and the shots.  Dr. Jen recognized the drama and tried to console me with the thought that a strong will can be channeled as a force for good and not evil.  Her (waaayyyyy) above-average verbal skills and amazing determination will take her far in life — if we help her steer it in a productive direction.  She also said that the verbal aptitude might help her process through the terrible twos a little more quickly than most other babies.  (But she made no promises…)

Selah June knew where she was, and she knew what happened there.  There’s only so much I can shield her from experiencing, and there’s only so many little distractions you can suggest before the hard cold reality stared you blankly in the face.  Shots are shots.  There’s no way around them.

She did great, and I treated her to her own order of Sonic french fries during happy hour after our appointment.  And her little voice chirped “take-oo!”  (We’re working on our “please” and “thank you.”)  Dr. Jen asked how many words she is now saying.  The benchmark for 15 months is between 6 and 8.  At last count, SJ was around 50.  And that doesn’t include “please,” “thank you,” or “butterfly.”

At dinner, she was very interested in what she was being offered to eat.  I took her to the refrigerator and showed her the tomatoes.  She wanted them.  But when I asked her about the grapes, the cantaloupe, the chicken, the pretzels, the bananas, the oranges, and so on… the answer was an emphatic “no.”  I can see the writing on the wall.  Chicken dinosaurs and fries – it’s just a matter of time.

This picture is not from today.  I just found it in my photo library and thought it was beautiful.  I think it’s from September.

June 14, 2015

Selah June spent her first day over at Dustin Yonke’s house with Malachi.  He is her exact same age.  Dustin had Malachi maybe just a few days before Selah June was born and a couple weeks before Jules was born.  They are so cute together.  Malachi is quiet and stoic.  Selah June is curious and chatty.  He will bring you a book to read together, and she will take it away – all the way saying “baby…buble.”  Every book is a Bible, thanks to Grammy.

Apparently, they were great playmates today.  SJ didn’t cry once.  She played with Malachi for several hours this morning, and then they both went down for naps this afternoon.  When I came to get her, Malachi cried.  Apparently, SJ already has an admirer.

We had some good snuggles this evening.  She’s really responding to physical touch.  I rub her back and caress her hands.  I kiss her cheek and hug her tightly.  She’s an awesome little girl, and I love her more than life itself.

And here it is in black and white. 

January 12, 2016

Jeremy stayed home this morning with Miss Selah June.  I had to get to work, and Grammy and Grandpa were busy getting ready for their trip.  While I was at work, I got this gem of a photo.

Jeremy is stunned by how clearly she is indicating preferences these days.  You can ask her whether she wants a banana, whether she wants to play with her fishy game, whether she is tired, whether she has poopy pants, etc.  She will tell you.  Mostly she likes to say “no.”  But she’s also telling us when she’s tired and wants to go to bed.  She will point at the bedroom wall, at the pictures of herself, and say “baby, night night!  bye!”  She will wave at me and say “night night.”  It’s pretty clear and really cute.

Her favorite things to say right now are: “byyyyyyyyyyeeeeeee.”  She says it to people in the parking lot, to students walking across campus, to friends and family.  Really she says it to anybody who waits long enough to deserve her attention.  She’s a goof.

January 10, 2015

I came home from the SPSA meeting in San Juan to a little walker dressed up in an aqua tutu and a single pig tail on the top of her head.  She was chasing Satie and Sebastian around the house yelling “bye!” and “Satie!” At the top of her lungs.  Pretzels in one hand and her bottle in the other, she was ruling the roost.

After all the kids left, we played a bit and then got all set up for a potpourri of our favorite foods – tomatoes, oranges, chicken, and butter bread.

Whilr we were having dinner together, we started playing a singing game.

little songs