December 30, 2015

Selah June is really trying to communicate in sentences.  She rambles on and on, and then you hear “puppy” or “cracker.”  It’s really cute.

Yesterday, we ventured out of the house and got lunch downtown.  SJ really liked being around the people eating at tables all around us.  I really liked her being strapped down between Mom and Jeremy with lots of entertainment.  My chicken salad was pretty good too.  In the middle of shoveling food into my face, I caught a waving hand right above SJ’s head across the table from me.  There was Jay Clune…. the famed Interim Assistant Vice Provost of Academic Affairs (otherwise known by me as “The Ginger”).  He didn’t look like himself – in his LSU shirt and blue jeans with scruffy ginger hair and five-o’clock shadow.  And I sooooo didn’t look like myself – with no makeup or hair did, in ratty old jeans and sneakers.  I’m sure I had a glazed look on my face.  Before I knew what had happened, he and his wife, Allison, were at our table to shake hands with everybody and talk about the Christmas holiday season.  SJ took an instantaneous liking to The Ginger.  She is a shameless flirt.  She spent the rest of lunch contorting her little body around the highchair to see Jay and play “boo” with him.  They started pointing at each other, and SJ let out little giggles and squeals of delight.  Jay is smitten by her, of course.

We’ve been spending a lot of time inside the house.  It’s been a good test for her Christmas presents.  Which one is her favorite?  The stolen fishbowl game from Mom’s house that doesn’t even belong to us.  She plays it incessantly.  It involves putting plastic fish (made like coins) into the slot in the top of the fishbowl (like it’s a piggy bank).  Come to think of it, she would really like a piggy bank.  Wow!  Sometimes you really do have ideas while rambling.  Anyway, she’s addicted to this little toy.  It’s her very own version of candy crush.  When she gets tired, she gets frustrated with it.  The fish have to be facing forward in order for them to fit into the slot.  She hasn’t made the connection that the eyes have to be looking at you.  So, when she’s tired and she rams the fish into the slot and it doesn’t work, she picks up the whole bowl and throws it as hard as she can on the floor.  Needless to say, we have our own fishy game coming to the house via Amazon Prime.  It’s only a matter of time before there is a casualty.  You can see the wounded warrior in the background.

December 28, 2015

Selah Juney is a poor little sick baby.  She coughed all night last night.  Jeremy said he didn’t fall asleep until 5:45am.  This thing first got her on the same day as his surgery — Dec. 11.  It’s been quite a long haul.  Between her sickness and Jeremy’s surgery, I’m tuckered out.

Mom went with me to SJ’s doctor’s appointment.  And thank goodness she did!  The doctor had me do a breathing treatment on her with no supervision or assistance, and it was a harrowing and miserable experience.  She screamed through the entire treatment.  I had to start the treatment by myself because Mom had to step out to take a call from Dad.  SJ just writhed and fought me, pushing the mask away and turning her head violently to keep me from covering her nose and mouth.  It was awful.  She turned bright red.  Mom came back and helped me hold her down.  Eventually, she gave in to the procedure and ultimately drifted off in Grammy’s arms.  Her little bottom lip revealed a poor broken-hearted sadness that just killed me.  Her spirit had been defeated, and her trust in me violated.  Uggggghhhhh….  It was plain awful.

Then, once the treatment was over, she opened her eyes.  Her pupils were expanding and contracting, and she gave me this strange distant look.  I freaked out (broke out in hives as proof) and ran out to ask anybody who would listen at the nurse’s station whether an allergic reaction was a possibility.  They treated me with such condescension it made my skin crawl.  But they did come in and check her pulse.  Apparently, dilating pupils is a possible side effect and elevated heart rate is as well.  You think they could have told me that before we started the whole darn thing.  The doctor said she has an ear infection in one ear, fluid behind the other, and a case of bronchiolitis.  She also might be showing signs of asthma.

Eventually, I made it home with a bag full of drugs and a machine to do breathing treatments at home.  Oh goody…  After dinner and bath time and some play, Jeremy and I geared up for the event — treatment before bed.  She was an unbelievably perfect, sweet, calm angel.  She slept through most of it.  And she liked the taste of the antibiotic and took it straight down like a champ.

She’s in there coughing now and I’m afraid we aren’t out of the woods yet, but maybe we’re on the road to recovery.  I’m tired.

To keep from ending so sadly, here’s a fun little video of SJ’s first visit to Sephora.  Mom had to return something, and SJ had to dance.

sephora dance

December 26, 2015

Selah June and I spent the morning at the beach.  It was too warm for her to be wearing her flannel Christmas pajamas, but she didn’t seem to mind.  We went out there to take pictures of the Walker family while Jake and Kara were in town for the holidays.  They were all in their coordinating outfits — the kids in red shirts and grey sweatpants and the adults in black shirts and blue jeans.  It was a handsome-looking crew!  But it was also crazy cakes.  There are 6 boys across the three sibling couples.  And they are all Winston’s age and younger (0-5).  The group included 2 babies who had no interest in being bribed to smile for the camera.

SJ just took it all in.  She hung out in Abigail’s pack-n-play, drinking her bottle and enjoying the ocean breeze.  She is an outdoorsy type to the nth degree.  As long as she is outside, all is right in her little world.  I don’t know how she’s going to convince her daddy to take her to the beach as much as she’s going to want to go….  It will be a good test of how tightly he’s wrapped around her little finger.

Here are a few of the pics from the photo shoot.

December 24, 2015

This year Jones family Christmas came a little early.  With Brandon and Jamie living in Jacksonville, Kim and Tom wanted to travel Christmas Day to see them.  They also offered to take the kids for a few days.  As you can imagine, that was a deal worth facilitating!!  So we had Christmas lunch at the Settle’s’ house on Christmas Eve followed by a short nap and then Christmas at Mom and Dad’s house.  We kicked things off with the opening of kid stockings and presents shortly after 4:00.

With 14 people to accommodate, we set up camp around the tree in the formal living room.  Mom and Dad provide our little nuclear family with space next to the fireplace, but Jeremy couldn’t find a good way to keep his leg elevated over there.  We took our sideshow to the dining room table area.  Selah June got right into her stocking; it was filled with SJ treats like crackers and gummies and balls.  She was mostly interested in crushing the crackers in their single-serving packaging.  We had to pry them away from her to get to open a present.

She LOVED her wheel of bells, and the other little kids did as well.  She LOVED her teeter totter abacus and her stackable puzzle.  We saved her record player and books to fully explore at home.  She also got bath toys and a Ferris wheel with little people that have received much attention over the last few days.

We saved her beautiful smocked baby blue dress with puffed sleeves and little Santas to wear on Christmas Day.  Grandma sent it all the way from Broken Arrow, and it was the talk of both Christmas gatherings.  And I have to say I’m pretty pleased with how clean we kept it, despite all of the holiday treats!  Maybe it can make another appearance next year.

After the kids finished opening all of their gifts, they settled into a movie in the den.  The adults found perfect perches to savor their long-anticipated stockings and gifts.  Jeremy and Aaron got XBox Ones.  Brock got a watch he wanted.  All the girls got the perfect gifts picked out on our annual trip to Destin.  The baby was really great through the whole thing.  She’s turning into a wonderfully-content and easygoing little girl, and I’m so proud of her.

We munched on meat and veggie trays, cakes and cookies, and specialty truffles from Dad’s “holiday gathering” at work.  It was laid back and delightful.

December 22, 2015

Ashley came to play with SJ today.  She kind of was doing double duty.  Jeremy still can’t put any weight on his right leg, so he was in bed all day.  While he slept and I worked, Ashley and Selah June had amazing adventures. They played outside with the wonders of nature.  They felt leaves and practiced saying “flower.”  They went on a long walk, making sure to stop to see the horse around the corner from our neighborhood.  Apparently the horse came up to Ashley to say hello.  This made a world of difference to SJ.  Instead of a picture in a book or a thing out there against the landscape, this “horse” became a real being.  Ashley said it was awesome.

And I think Ashley is awesome.  SJ is a special little girl.  She has a heap ton of love in her corner.  We want to give her every chance to imagine and dream and play and create.  She shows incredible verbal ability.  She’s curious about everything.  Right now she’s giving kisses and learning about hugs.

Jeremy texted me while I was at work to let me know that Ashley and SJ had presents for us, but he couldn’t see them until I got home.  When I made it to the house, Jeremy was asleep.  On the counter were the most precious little ornaments made from scratch with SJ oneyear-old stamp of authenticity.

December 19, 2015

I was a terrible wife and mother today.  For whatever reason, I just couldn’t do it.  Poor SJ was still sick.  The cough in her chest sounded really rough.  She was tired and fussy all day.  She fought me over everything — medicine, food, diaper changes… EVERYTHING.  And Jeremy was still pretty much bed-bound.  He bathed himself and moved back and forth from the bed to the recliner, but even that wore him completely out.

I was not the person I wanted to be.  And the more I interacted with my family, the more I made it worse.  It was one of those days that you just wish you could hit “reset” and do completely over again.

SJ is such a little person with her own unique sense of humor and mannerisms.  She constantly says “whazzz-at?” and “Oh-kee” for what’s that and okay.  She nods yes in agreement now.  She can say “turtle” like a champ.  And she’s really wanting to study each page of her books to identify all the animals and the sounds they make.  If I refocus my bad attitude on the amazing wonder that she brings into my world, I genuinely love being with her and sharing in her curiosity of all that life has to offer.

Her vocabulary just blows me away.  Every single day she picks up at least one new word – while retaining all the others she has already learned!!  No wonder they say that it’s best to introduce languages to children while they’re really young.

December 17, 2015

Because of Jeremy’s surgery, we had to cancel on most of our holiday parties.  We’ve scaled way back to only do what’s absolutely necessary to keep food on the table and take care of the sickies.  I did, however, commit to going to the office Christmas lunch at Tokyo’s.  Selah June and I shared some chicken tempura, and she did the completely rational thing of freaking out when the hibachi chef set fire to the oil on the grill.  She was like, “Do you guys see this??  Where is the nearest exit?  We gotta get outta here!”

She did really well with everybody there.  In fact, Brandy held her for quite some time.  They read her ocean book and danced to the sounds it makes.  The dean patiently gave her pretzels from her snack container so that she had one in her mouth and one in each hand at all times.  It was a good time, but we had to leave early to get to Grammy’s house.

Today was the day for Jeremy’s first post-op visit with the doctor.  Mom took care of Selah June, and Dad went with us to the appointment.  I’m so glad that he did.  The nurse unwrapped his bandages, and the incisions were horrifying.  The doctor showed us pictures from the surgery.  It was a really surreal experience.  Jeremy said it was like looking at a leg of somebody else.  I couldn’t think about it actually being his leg.  It was really rough.  There were long incisions on his heel, the inside of his ankle, the top of his foot, and both sides of his calf.  The doctor said that there are four major nerves in your leg.  All of his nerves were compressed.  Additionally, they found a large neuroma and a large plantar fasciitis.  Apparently, a typical pf is 3 mm, and his was 12 mm.  The doctor suggested that Jeremy’s condition was the worst he had seen in someone his age.  And he wasn’t sure at all about the underlying root cause of the nerve deterioration.  He biopsied the nerves so that he could send samples to multiple facilities for testing.  We’ll see what the diagnosis is.  For now, we’re really just struggling to hang in there.  It’s the hardest it’s been for us since the colic.

When we all got home and settled in, I fed everybody and brought in presents from the office Christmas party, the mailbox, and the front porch.  Selah June needed no help figuring out what we were supposed to do.  She’s a natural when it comes to opening presents!

We saved her present from Penelope for last.  She liked the cookies from Lori and the angel from Dean Brown, but she REALLY liked her activity cube.

Here is her making an absolute mess!!

mess

December 15, 2015

Jeremy’s surgery was on the 11th – last Friday.  I had to ask him what the date is today because I’ve lost all sense of time and perspective.

I knew Mom was going to be watching Satie and Sebastian in the afternoon because of Jessica’s trip to St. Louis.  So I asked Mom if she wanted to take the kids to the park to get some fresh air and visit for a while.

The day was truly beautiful.  The weather is unseasonably warm right now.  Mom wore shorts to the park.  When the sun began its descent, the temperature dropped a bit, so that’s why SJ is in a jacket.

She turns into a different person when she goes outside.  The wind and the birds, the cars and the kids… They all overwhelm her senses and give her true joy.  While the two older kids played on the swings, she just sat there.  A pretzel in her mouth, she just took it all in.  We took the opportunity to snap some pictures, and the park visitors around us just marveled at how much she was posing.

Yesterday’s out of the house was to Walmart.  We looked at the baby shoes, and these had to come home with us.  Can you tell she likes them?

Selah June thought that the tire swing looked really fun, and so Grammy started pretending to be a tire swing.  Here is a video clip.  [WARNING: This has been know to cause motion sickness.]

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Satie was really excited about Selah June’s sleepover on Friday.  And Selah June woke up saying Sahhhh-tee, Sahhhh-tee, Sahhhh-tee.  She loves her Satie.

While I was sitting at the hospital waiting through Jeremy’s surgery, I received several updates on the little punkin.  Here she is leaving destruction in her wake:

I sent her to Jessica’s with a cute little shirt that buttoned in the back and some leggings.  Of course the leggings had blackened knees by the time she got to her “sleepover.”  Her crawling and my floors make a dirty combo.

Apparently, she thought it to be extraordinarily funny to pull her shirt up to show her belly.  Jessica said she laughed and laughed at herself.  What a mess….  So eventually her shirt came off, and they were all a bunch of little banshees.  After a full day of play and a lot of food in the hair, Selah June enjoyed a good long bath with lots of water toys.

Clean hair, night night, and a new day later…

Thank goodness Jessica, Aaron, Satie and Sebastian took care of my little bear.  I COULD NOT HAVE DONE MY LIFE if she had been with me on Friday/Saturday.

December 11-12, 2015

I could not have handled the last 24 hours on my own.  In our family, I am the fly-off-the-handle, neurotic, self-absorbed, OCD, needy one… except when it comes to emergencies.  Then, I’m the calm, collected, low-anxiety, steady-going voice of reason.  Most of the time, I can figure the hard stuff out.

Last night was a different story.  Jeremy had surgery on his right leg for major nerve damage.  This whole thing seemed to come out of nowhere.  It started with a visit to the foot doctor and a random diagnosis of cerebral palsy of the foot and some heel spurs.  I don’t know.  Don’t ask me.  Then, a trip to the Andrews Institute and some more tests revealed some pretty extensive nerve damage on all sides of his leg and across the top of his foot.  We fought with the insurance to get his surgery scheduled before the new year so that it would be covered.  We have already met our deductible for the year.  Jeremy figured out a way to be off from work for 2 weeks during the height of seasonal retail hell.  I figured out how to cobble together care for Miss SJ, Jeremy, and Sophie so that I could fulfill my obligation as reader at graduation and how to mix annual leave and nanny care to cover the bases at work this upcoming week.

But I didn’t figure out how to handle the last 24 hours.  I wasn’t prepared for the 6-hour wait for Jeremy to go into surgery.  I wasn’t prepared for the 5-hour wait in the emergency room through his surgery.  I wasn’t prepared for the 2 hours in recovery, only to be released from the hospital after midnight to track down prescription drugs and figure out how to get him in the bed and comfortable.  I wasn’t prepared for the look of desperation in his glassy eyes when he came to and was swallowed by wave after wave of nausea.  And I wasn’t prepared for the sheer fatigue that surgery introduces into your world.

Jeremy is stable.  His leg hurts.  He has staples, and the doctors worked on “decompressing” and “wrapping” his nerves for 5 hours.  I can imagine that he is going to be uncomfortable for a while.  He is staying in front of his pain meds.  He slept really well last night once we all got settled well after 2am.

There is no way that I could have done any part of the experience without the people who obviously love us very much.  Jessica watched the baby overnight so that we didn’t have to worry about her.  Abigail sat with me for the countless hours I had to wait in the surgery waiting room.  Mom and Dad came to the hospital in between obligations to make sure I wasn’t alone, to pray for Jeremy, and to get us home and in bed.  Mom stayed overnight to make sure we were okay.  Then she stayed with Jeremy today while I went to graduation.  Clay came to the hospital in the early evening and then stayed until Jeremy was in recovery so that he knew he made it through okay.  Family in Oklahoma kept in steady contact to make sure we were in good shape.

At graduation today, several of my dear friends came up to me to ask how we were all doing.

I’m too close to it right now to fully be able to express what I’m feeling.  But I want to document how strongly this experience has impressed upon me the degree of interconnectedness we have with family and friends who are willing to sacrifice their own personal comfort, time, resources, and needs to provide a safety net to catch the pieces as they fall.  I don’t deserve any of the love and kindness I’ve received during this family crisis.  I’m not good at the care-giving.  But still people loved on me.  And that’s what empathy looks like.  Feeling pain when someone else is hurting, hanging around when you’d rather be sleeping, holding people up because you care about them…  All of this reveals the connective tissue that forms intricate communities of support networks.  We need this connection.  Life is sometimes too hard without it.  I’m keenly aware of that right now.

For everyone who got us through these 24 hours, thank you.  My family thanks you.  We are home and healing.