January 5, 2017

I am so tired, and yet this is such an important day that sleep will have wait just a few more moments.

Today marks the anniversary of the finalization of the legal steps we had to take to adopt Selah June from Jessica. The gut churning surrounding that day was not about whether we would “keep” Selah June.  It was about the publicness, the bureaucratic process, the unusual circumstances, the completely foreign environment, and the cumulative physical and emotional fatigue for all of us that that day involved. Jessica loves us so much that she sacrificed her body, her will, her heart, and her comfort zone so that Selah June could be in this world and bring joy to those who have the privilege of caring for her. Jessica loves God so much that she listened to Him when things were difficult, when they didn’t feel right, when they pulled her another way, when people were hurtful, when love seemed conditional, and when the future was very uncertain. When you live through that, you know what faith looks like.

Jessica gave me a gift today. In a little tiny box, she gave me a necklace with a pendant. The pendant is square-shaped, edged in sterling. It encases sand from St. Maarten – a place near and dear to our hearts. We visited St. Maarten the year before SJ was born – at a time when I shared our journey with Jessica openly and honestly. And we visited St. Maarten the next year when little Selah Juney was already on her way. We have a special spot on the St. Maarten beach where we camped out for hours while our cruise ship sat parked for days in the port. Our spot is just beyond the pier. Here we spent hours finding amazing shells and talking about life, love, and other mysteries. It was on that second cruise that I shared with Aaron and Jessica the name God had given me for Selah June. I knew we would be welcoming a girl into this world. I never really had any doubt about that. And I knew she would be Selah. God had made me wait…a very long pause…to hear Him, to let go of everything I wanted, and to trust Him that He loved me no matter what. And along that journey, I came to understand what love looks like. It does not look like ownership. It does not look like possessiveness. It does not look like happiness. It does not look like service to self. Once you understand that, it is easy to see how our lives fit together like puzzle pieces even on the stormiest of days. Our family understands love – most of all God’s love.

Selah June is a daily reminder of that.

Tuesday, January 3, 2016

Today was Selah Juney’s first day at UWF Educational Research Center for Child Development. We talked about it last night, and we talked about it this morning. By the time we were driving into the parking lot, she was saying she would be singing songs with the kids and was “so excited.”

For one brief second, when I opened the front door and the place was unfamiliar and the people were new, I saw a flash of intimidation. But just as quickly as it came it went. Miss Regena came out to meet her and immediately set to work to win her over. It didn’t take long. We walked down the hall to her classroom, and she saw the playground INSIDE the classroom and was a goner.

She tried to pass off her blue blanky to anybody who would take it as well as her milk, and she made a beeline straight for the indoor slide and over to the baby dolls. I spent several more minutes in the classroom learning about the procedure for lunch and diaper storage as well as the drill for medications. Not once did she come cling to me.

And then I was done with my orientation, and it was time for me to go. More for me than for her, I walked over to give her a hug. She obliged and then started back toward the slide. As I turned, I heard a faint little “kiss?” And with a turn of by boot, I ran back over to give her a goodbye kiss. All the teachers went, “Awwww….”  That’s my sweetie pie.

At lunch, I called the center and asked how she was doing. She had been there for a good 5ish hours. Regena walked down to check on her in Miss Annie’s room, and she was sound asleep with all the other kids having nap time. At 5, all the faculty moms were picking up their littles. As soon as I opened the door, she screamed, “Mommy!!!!!” and came runnin’ for me. We gathered up her stuff, and the teachers all raved about how amazingly well she did today. They were stunned at how much she enjoyed herself and adapted to the new environment.

We walked out to the car with Sheila Dunn and her daughter Catherine and son Robert, Jr. Selah June and Catherine chatted each other up about “Mommy’s car” and how dark it was outside. And we rode off in the sunset.

I don’t have a picture for the day, but it would take a 1000 pictures to be worth the word for the day – thankfulness.

Sunday, January 1, 2017

SelahbJune brought in the new year with lots of playing.  She’s been super interested in her “magnet” blocks or “magic” blocks (depending on which of us is listening and interpreting. We’ve never had this kind of blocks at our house, so she’s really excited about having them all to herself to build whatever she wants. At this particular moment, she was building a tower.

And then I heard her saying something different. When I looked up, she was “reading” this little card from the box and saying “instructions, instructions, instructions.”

They evidently involved building a cavernous tower that you could stuff full of Shopkins and other random personal affects.

Then we moved on to our new books. She didn’t want me to read them to her. Rather, she emphasized “I do it! All by myself!!”

And then she began each page with “Once upon a time…” The Mickey book was “Once upon a time, there was Mickey and farm and animals and tractor… And Donald had a hat and Goofy had a hat. The end!”

Then we went to church. She looks thrilled.

Saturday, December 31, 2016

I woke up this morning feeling I  love with my house. I love that my master bedroom feels like a tree house. The morning light wakes me up. The leaves of the huge oak tree outside my window rustle, and the wind chimes and birds provide sweet sounds to bring me to my senses.

Little Miss decided she needed to drive her car all around the house. When I asked her where she was going, she said on a trip. She was going to Grandma’s house in Oklahoma. She had gold coins in the car with her. They were chocolate, but she called them her money.

She was being goofy in the car. I asked her if she could see herself on my camera.

Then I asked her whether she could make a silly face.

In the car, she’s been imagining that her feet are related.  One is the baby foot and the other is the daddy. Or sometimes one is the daddy and the other is the mommy. They “find” each other.

We went to the shoe store to look for more comfortable shoes for Jeremy. She really likes shoes….and not the kids’ shoes but the ladies’ shoes. She tried on a whole bunch of heels before Daddy made us go.  I might have bought a pair of black heels along the way…. ?